My Starved Soul!
The nemesis attempts to control my entire life, tormenting and torturing me day and night. The life I led in misery, was full of anxiety and distress, yet, have not given up hope. But when I seek the peace of my existence, it was afar as the sky.
The wearisome spawned by the hollowness of hatred and grievance, led to my grief and craving of liberty. I thought of fleeing to the unknown, for the unbearable pain that resulted from the memories of the miserable times I endured. When my attempts fail, I give up. As a rose amongst thorns, I am surrounded by troubles and anguish. And therefore, I dearly crave and starve for peace.
My starved soul for peace is lone and so also starves for love. It became improbable to live without it. The Lord who gave her life with His Holy Spirit is love and without Him, her existence was endangered. He is Holy and He hallowed her for she would praise Him. The nemesis though striving to resistor, become unacceptable to her. His abominableness was uncomfortable and with his harmfulness, hinder her respite.
When the world darkness and could not find a dwelling, she looks deep into herself, rely on the sparkling light midst her heart and alike the flowing thirst of love. Then thought came into her, in hope of the hopeful day of the Lord’s coming for her liberty and absolute peace.
Now, my starved soul is glad about my will and interest to return back in seek of the Lord. She even started begging me to gage myself. By then, I remember my childhood. Whilst living in my father’s and mother’s house, I was not mature enough to acknowledge the meaning of reason for life but only to play. Yet, I craved to get back to the innocence I had. I give praise to the Lord for teaching me family love I knew then. Though I was unable to find myself, still I live in hope in the remembrance my childhood.
The base for my present identity, my childhood was a world full of genuineness, obedience and virtue. Presently, my conscious got disturbed watching all those things devoid the memory of my childhood. I closed my eyes to forget the harm in front. And attempted to think back good times. This world has changed to bogus parish, filled with hatred and pretense making it lethargy. Realizing I am in deep trouble, I get so sad!
Witnessing the fake pupil surrounding me, act like animals led by their emotions and be harm made me say, “am I dreaming or is it real?” My mind also asked saying, “why did this happen?” I even asked myself, “have I disappointed my Lord as them?” It is very saddening to live amongst people who assumes being evil as a pride and cruelty as a joke! “has all this happen as a result of those who commit extortion and discrimination?’ I asked myself again. I took a moment to remember the time I read on holy scriptures, disappointing God and defying His commandments resulting plagues.
Though it is not pleasant to watch those loveless living in hatred, insulting, offending, killing one another; defying truth, denying the existence of the Lord, embarrassing their personhood and be drive by the evil spirit, I am unable to answer “until when? so I thought of saving my soul.
My starved soul made me think of my childhood. I glorified my Lord for He is my giver of childhood, who was patience and merciful throughout my life. He has provided every necessity of my living. It has become the will of my heart to worship Him. I wish of returning back to my childhood I miss dearly. I wondered if I knew my creator by the pure heart I had then, and thus started to look deep. As it is fortune to live in chastity, I praise my Lord again for creating those Saints who showed us the life of purity. They are our hope; my heart desired of being like them every time I think of them. Remembering these words, “Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God” I get amazed and astonished. (Matthew 5:8) I hope the Lord who blessed them, will lead me in the true life path.
I believe the creation my personhood is for a great reason, realizing the meaning to my existence. Then, my heart travelled to a teacher, redeemer of the world I know, who can answer my questions and rest my soul and legs to the sacred place, the Lord’s house; My ears heard about the creator once again repeatedly; My eyes saw His image again; My knees prostrated for Him; I consciously think of Him daily. By this, I seek of worshiping my creator; I have realized my being is by Him; as He lives in me!
My starved soul got fed and watered by His holy words. She became peaceful when I was present in His compound filled with goodness and calmness; got love whilst I hurried to Him in thought of being in His shed. I live in think of Him every hour, day and night, whishing He will keep me in His sphere until my death. I have faith that one day He keeps me in His hands and embrace; I crave for that day!
My starved soul craves you and so Lord come soon! Maranatha!